I serve the Prince of PEACE

"... he must seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and His ears are attentive to their prayer." 1 Peter 3:11

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27

This week I prayed for peace. I prayed that my heart and my ever-worrisome mind would stop questioning the decision I made about camp and that I would be content in my decision. And it seems like no matter how hard I tried to make myself believe that the decision I made was right, I always thought about the "what if" or the "look what this person has", etc. Plus, I keep hearing about other graduating class members who have just signed contracts for jobs, and it was stressing me out.

Then, I went to church. And it was more of a blessing than I ever, ever, ever could have imagined.

The sermon was on Matthew 26: 6-13. It's the story about the lady who poured the expensive jar of alabaster perfume over Jesus's head while he was eating. The disciples asked, "Why this waste? This perfume could have been sold at a high price and the money given to the poor." Jesus responded by saying, "Why are you bothering this woman? She has done a beautiful thing to me. The poor you will always have with you, but you will not always have me."

Chris, our college minister, explained that the lady understood the significance of giving away a year's worth of income (which was about how much the perfume cost) in order to worship Christ in the manner she saw fit. To the world (the disciples), she had wasted something that was of precious value, but to Christ, it was an act of worship.

This was what I wrote in the margins of my bible -- "waste your life in the eyes of the world to take the time to worship Christ." God calls us to live a life that may seem like a waste to society. He asks us to give up materialistic objects that the world deems as "success" in order to live a life that worships God.

During the sermon tonight, Chris said this.. "The world views success as the fast track to your career, marriage, kids, lots of money, a big house, a nice car, retirement, and so forth. Give that up. Give up a moment of your life to "waste" it in the eyes of the world."

And that is when I realized that I made the right decision about camp.

No, I won't be making a hospital salary at camp. I won't get engaged right after graduation like I had already planned. I won't necessarily have a secure job 5 months from now. But, that's okay.

I'm taking a break from my life this summer to bless some children at a summer camp. And I plan on receiving a blessing in return. The camp this summer is not a church camp. It's a non-religious camp, in fact. But that doesn't mean that I can't love the children with the kind of love that Christ shows me daily. I can bless, love, cherish, and shower those kids with everything I have in order to make them feel like they had a summer at camp with a nurse who blessed them tremendously. And it's something I want to do.

Several people may look at what I'm doing as a risk. Like I'm wasting my degree by not jumping straight into a hospital job. I even had an ICU nurse tell me it was a waste of time that wouldn't benefit my career.

Looking back, they sure did choose an odd choice of words, didn't they? A waste of a degree and a waste of time... sounds exactly like something I'd like to do.

Waste a time period of my life to receive a blessing from Christ? Yes, please.

I walked out of church with the realization that prayer works more than ever before. And that God hears his children when they pray. And He showers you with love and peace and joy when you need it.

Praise God that He is the Prince of Peace and a steadfast provider who knows exactly what His children need!

"Take control of everything.

My life, my hopes, my dreams.

All I am and all I'll be.

I surrender to my King."

"Living He loved me. Dying He saved me. Buried He carried my sins far away.

Rising He justified, freely forever, and one day He's coming. Oh Glorious day!"

Decision is Made!

Well, it's official.. non-officially, that is. I haven't signed or mailed the contract yet, but I called David at Camp Starlight and told him I accepted the position of camp nurse for the summer!

And, yes, I'm terrified/nervous/excited. All of the above + a million other emotions.

Here are the specifics:
- camp is from June 20th to August 15th.
- they pay a salary, my trip up there and back, all food is provided, lodging is free, and they will cover the cost of getting my PA license (because I'll need it since I'll be performing nursing care in the state of Pennsylvania).
- Kim and I plan on leaving several days early in order to make a road trip out of the it and stop at several sites along the way (like Washington D.C., Charleston, and maybe another spot).
- we are hoping to take a car up there.. please keep us in your prayers that this will work out. for several reasons, having a car to drive up there and have up at camp would be ideal, but we are uncertain at the moment what car will be available.

So, there it is. Camp, here I come... eeeee! I am SO nervous about being gone. I literally have sweated over this decision for weeks now. I've lost sleep, even. Friday was my last day of precepting; I had to wake up at 5:30am and didn't fall asleep until 1:30am because I was so nervous about the decision I was going to make.. and I only dozed from that point on. I kept waking up and waking up, thinking and freaking out about my decision.

There are going to be lots of things I will miss by being gone. I will miss mine and Chuck's 7th anniversary, which is July 19th. I will miss most of Chuck's triathlons that he will do this summer. It's the last summer that Robbie will be here before he leaves to join the military. I may miss wonderful job opportunities that open up before I get back. I will miss a summer at Chuck's lake house. I'll miss my family. I'll miss Chuck. I'll miss home.
BUT, going to camp will give me an opportunity to experience something that I may never get to experience ever again. I'll get nursing experience in a Pediatric setting without having to immediately jump into a hospital job straight out of school. I've never done anything this spontaneous and experimental before.. and I'm hoping it's an experience I will never forget, or regret. I'll get an entire summer in a beautiful, northern, mountain setting surrounded by children. I'll learn multitudes about childhood conditions, medications, and will become comfortable in making sound nursing decisions and talking with doctors on site. And I get to be a comforter to children who may need me when they are homesick. I'll get to be a role model to the kids. I hope the bless the children who are there by my nursing skills.. and I'm sure I'll get a blessing in return.

Check out the website. It's www.campstarlight.com

So, now that I've prayed (and hopefully, you prayed over me, too!), please pray that I am confident in my decision. Pray that I don't question my decision and that I am blessed this summer. Pray that I don't get too homesick. Pray that Chuck and I can handle being away from each other for 2 months.. we've never been away from each other for that long. Pray that all the details come together smoothly. Pray that we have safe travels. Pray that the kids are blessed by me and Kim. Pray that we are surrounded by a loving group of people and staff who treat us wonderfully throughout the summer.

Thank you. THANK YOU! I'm so scared and nervous, but I'm excited, too :)

Confused? Yes... very.

I wore my new, black pencil skirt, my fancy shirt with ruffles, and my black high heeled shoes for my interview.

I interviewed.. and I think it went well.

They asked me some hard questions. They asked, "What was one experience you had during clinicals where you had to deal with a difficult family member or difficult patient and how did you handle the situation?" They asked, "How would you deal with a coworker who doesn't take care of his/her patients and just sits on the computer all day long?" And I fumbled my way through my answers.

And then they asked me reversal agents. Yes, pharmacology questions. Something I was not prepared for. But I survived.

Allllllllll of that to say... I AM SO CONFUSED.

Camp nurse? ICU nurse? Wait around for a Children's position to open?

i. do. not. know. And I'm so tiiiiiiiiired of being confused.

I need God to stand next to me and shout in my ear what the right answer is. Or write it down on a sticky note. Or put a message on my bathroom mirror with the right answer. And I know that He knows the right answer and that whatever happens is for good and that it's what I'm supposed to do.. but what if it's not. What if the decision I make is the wrong decision? What if I'm miserable because I decide to go with option A and option B was what would make me happy?

I like black and white. And right now I'm seeing a whooooooooooole lot of grey.

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." - Jeremiah 29:11

content

Content. Being content. Contentedness.

Considering everything in my life that I am blessed with, it's amazing to me how hard I find it to just simply be content.

When I was in high school, I wanted to be in college.

In college, I always looked forward to graduation.

Now with graduation in just 19 days, I'm scared and I want to turn back time to 3 years ago.

I long to be engaged.

I'm sure once I get engaged, I will count down the days, hours, minutes, seconds to being married.

Why is it that I always find it so difficult to be okay with what I have right now? I am beyond blessed with 2 amazing, loving, by-my-side sisters, an adoring Mom who goes over and beyond to provide for us 3 girls, a boyfriend who has loved me for the past 7 years, a college degree (basically) from an outstanding University, a close-knit group of friends, and even friends living across the country from me. I should look at my life and constantly thank God for blessing me abundantly.

I didn't think it would be so hard to just be... content.

So, my prayer for myself, and for everyone else who feels like they are in the same boat... May we be content with where we are now. Because whether I feel like I deserve 10x what I have, or whether I am amazed by all that God has blessed me with, I have what I have and I should be grateful for it because it is more than I deserve.

So I have to make some tough choices this week. So it's not going to be easy for me to commit to something because I hate making commitments. So I may end up making a decision that changes what I've planned for me and my life for the last 2 years. That's okay... right? Right. And I'll be content in my decision.

Promise.

"I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength." Philippians 4: 11-13

Catch-up blog!

Hello everyone! I've decided I'm not the best at this whole blogging thing.. I don't make myself sit down and do it but about once a week, so it's not very entertaining I'm sure. But that's okay! Better than nothing I suppose :)

This week has been busy busy busy. I did my final 8-in-a-row for precepting (only ONE day left!). It is going to be so sad leaving the Pediatric floor. If I had it my way, a position would open up on the floor and I would get a job working on that unit. But, things don't always go the way I want them to, so I guess I'll just have to soak up my last day and enjoy it as much as I can. I remember thinking that 225 hours was an insane amount of hours and there was no way I'd get them all in, but now that it's over I sort of feel like I haven't been there that long. I mean, the days I work are tiring, but it's sad leaving. I'll have to take some pictures on the floor before I leave so I don't forget... surprising, huh. ME? Taking pictures of nothing but the floor of a hospital?? Shocking.. ;)

So, I finally was able to upload my pictures from forever and ever ago onto Chuck's computer! And I finally can put them up on here. Unfortunately, they are all SOTC (straight off the camera) which drives me INSANE... it's hard for me to not edit pictures before I post them. However, because of my lack of a laptop, I don't have a program to edit them... I'm lucky to be able to just post them at this point. So, ignore the fact that they need to be cropped, red eye needs to be removed, and the lighting needs to be edited... please.

This is during Spring Break in Destin! Cameron (who didn't put on her sunglasses, obviously), me, and Kim :)

Out to eat at Back Porch. If you've ever been in the city of Destin, FL and didn't eat at this restaurant while you were there, you are ridiculous.

St. Patrick's Day! Me and Big J before going to eat at McGuire's Irish Pub.

Me and the boy :)

Waiting (for 2 hours, might I add) for a table! It was so much fun. People were eeeeeeverywhere! I'd never seen a restaurant so crowded before in my life. But it was so much fun.

Silly boys.

Me, Kim, and Chuck... who pulls off the creepy leprechaun look pretty well.

The group at the table!

Me and Kim.

I look rough... but Chuck looks cute.

So, what else is new. Emily went to prom not too long ago! I drove up to Hoover right after getting out of the hospital one day to help her do her hair and finish getting ready. She went with a guy named Andy, and she looked GORGEOUS! Amy and I always joke that Emily was blessed with all the good genes in the family.. and it just might be true.

Emily and Andy.

Me and Emily.. I like how Emily is extra pretty because it's prom and I'm extra dirty cause I'd been at the hospital all day. Makes for such a great picture.... haha

Here are some random pictures that I took one day while Kim and I went out on the quad and read. It was so pretty that I just had to snap a few shots of the quad. I must say, this is something I am definitely going to miss after I graduate. Being able to go to the quad and lay in the sun and read at leisure is so relaxing.. and it's so pretty.

Kim reading "The Lovely Bones"

Me :)

So, the other day while at work, I was super bored. So I picked up and old Rachael Ray magazine and photocopied a ton of recipes. This was one of them that I went home and cooked for me and Chuck. It's ground beef, mushrooms, onions, garlic, pepperoni, cheese and tomato sauce all cooked together and put inside a folded pizza crust. It was delicious :)

So, I'm still pulled in a bunch of different confusing ways regarding jobs after graduation (which is in 19 days! ah!) I don't know whether 0r not to take a job that's on a unit that I don't really want to work on, or to take a part time job and then come back in August with possibly no job at all. I'm so bad at making decisions. Please please keep me in your prayers this week. I'm going to have to make some decisions regarding what to do and I don't know what decision I'm going to make!

Love you all. I hope everyone is having a great Monday and continues to have a good rest of the week!

my life needs to slow down just a bit...

WHOA! I am sooooo behind on blogging. My life seems to run away from me every day to the point where I don't even know what day it is anymore! I was so busy last week working my first 8 days in a row that I basically cut off all communication with the outside world and went to bed at about 9 every night... I'm turning into an old lady :)

So, like I said, I worked my first 8 on last week. It pretty much killed me.. haha. I literally went to bed every night thinking "I cannot believe I have to wake up at 5:30am AGAIN tomorrow!". And then, unexpectedly, my nurse manager told me we were meeting on Thursday, so I ended up working 9 days in a row... wore. me. out. I fell asleep at the dinner table several times on Chuck last week.. ;) It was overwhelming. But now I know that I have to get plenty of sleep this week for my 8 on so I'm not miserable.. haha.

Regardless of the fact that I was worn out all week, I had such a great time on the Peds floor this past week. I've gotten so much better at reading doctor's orders, prepping discharge papers to teach the patients and their family about going home, being confident when administering medications (because giving meds to children is way different than giving them to adults!), and other various things. Plus, being on the floor for 8 days straight allows me to get to know my patients and see them day after day, and then (hopefully) see them get to go home! My children on the floor are really so adorable and I love them to death.. especially the little ones who run to me with their arms in the air when I walk in the door :)

Let's see.. what else happened since my last post. Easter was yesterday and it was actually beautiful outside! For once, it wasn't freezing on Easter morning. I went to church at Shades Mountain in the morning with Mom, Amy, and Emily, and then spent the afternoon at Chuck's house eating lunch with his family and hanging out with him and his parents. For years, we have always done holidays on our own with our own families, but the last 2 years I've eaten Easter lunch with his family, and I love it. We've just never been the couple who shares holidays with each other's families which has never bothered me, but now that I have, I love being with him and his family on those days. And, plus, he got a new shirt and tie for Easter and just looked so cute ;)

The weather here has been head and shoulders better than the last couple of weeks.. and I LOVED getting to lay out at the pool on Friday after my week of work. It was in the 80's and it felt awesome. I'm not the tannest person ever, but whatever.. it's pretty good for me at least :)

Today I applied for a few jobs!! And I called some people and am looking around a lot more, so I'm praying something will open up for me and I will at least get an interview somewhere soon. Please keep me in your prayers, as well. I'm actually looking into being a camp nurse for a summer camp up in Pennsylvania from June 19 to August 15 if something doesn't open up in the Birmingham area for me over the summer. I'll get great pay, they cover the cost of the NCLEX, they pay for the trip up and trip down, I get lodging, and all food is included that's eaten on the campus of the camp. If I did it, it would be me and my friend Kimberly who is also graduating with me in May. She found out about the opening from a friend and it sounds like an amazing opportunity to get more experience working with kids since I want to work in that field anyway. And, plus, I have to have at least some sort of income over the summer, so that would be a perfect solution. And then maybe positions will open up in August when I return. But I'm heavily job searching for the next couple of weeks and if i hear nothing, then I just pay accept the camp nurse position.

Let's see.. what else. Oh yeah.. get this.. my little sister has a BOYFRIEND!!! I know she's 17 and it shouldn't be that big of a deal, but it's a HUGE deal to us! Emily and Michael sitting in a tree.. K-I-S-S-I... ok that's enough. You get the picture :)

I was a judge this past Saturday for the Hoover Ambassadors, which is an organization in my high school that I was a part of. It's a very prestigious group of people and I was very honored to be a part of it when I was in high school, so going back and judging who would and wouldn't become part of the group for this upcoming year was so much fun. Some of Emily's friends who interviewed said I was even a little bit intimidating ;) I loved being an Ambassador, and it's actually where I met Christina :)

I hope every had such a wonderful weekend and Easter. This week, make a point (and I will too) to just walk outside and soak up the sun and the beauty of how wonderful it is outside and the amazing weather God has blessed us with.. finally!

Love you all!